| Thirteen
thirteen thirteen!
A
man is strolling past a lunatic asylum when he hears a loud chanting, "thirteen thirteen thirteen!" goes
the noise from the mental hospital wards. The
mans curiosity gets the better of him and he searches for a hole in
the security fence. Its not long before he finds a small crack, so he
leans forward and peers in. Instantly,
someone jabs him in the eye. As
he reels back in agony, the chanting continues "Fourteen! fourteen!
fourteen!"
Bank
Robbers Hiding
(I'm
part Irish, this is not an anti-Irish joke, okay.)
An
Englishman, Scottishman and an Irishman rob a bank. After they rob
the bank, the police start chasing them down the street.
So
the three of them go down an alley and they each hide in a sack. The
police kick the sack with the Englishman in it and the Englishman goes,
"Woof, woof", so the police think it's a dog. They
kick the one with the scottishman in it and he goes, "Miaow", and they
think it's a cat. Then
they kick the sack with the Irishman in it and he goes, "Potatoes"
The
Pharmacist's Dinner
A
teenager goes into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist for a condom.
The pharmacist explains that they only come in packages of 3 or 12.
The
young man says that he has a date that night and wants to be prepared
so he purchases a package of 3. When he arrives at his
dates house, he's asked to join them for dinner. Before they begin
he is asked to say the grace. He says "Dear Lord, please bless the
people gathered here tonight, bless the people in this community,
bless ....etc. After the lengthy blessing, his date leans over and
whispers to him "I didn't realize you were so religious." He whispered
back "I didn't realize your father was a pharmacist"!
Long
Distance Call
In
Boston, while taking notes and photographs of an impressive church,
he spotted a Golden Telephone on the vestibule wall and was intrigued
with a sign which read "$10,000 a minute." He sought out
the pastor and inquired about the phone and the sign. The pastor answered
that the Golden Telephone is, in fact, a direct line to Heaven and
if he pays the price, he can talk directly to God. The man thanked
the pastor and continued on his way. As he continued to visit churches
all across America, he found more Golden Telephones with the same
$10,000 sign, and the same answer from each pastor.
Finally, he reached the Pacific northwest. Upon entering a small church
in Brookings, Oregon, he saw the usual Golden Telephone. However,
THIS time, the sign read "Calls: 35 cents." Fascinated, he immediately
contacted the pastor. "Reverend, I have been in cities all across
the country and in each church I have found a Golden Telephone and
have been told it is a direct line to Heaven and that I could talk
to God, but, in the other churches the cost was $10,000 a minute.
Your sign reads only 35 cents a call! Why? The pastor, smiled benignly
and replied, "Son, you're in Oregon now. It's a local call."
Plans for unlimited free-energy UFO power source?

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