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Humor
Humor: Favorite Jokes
Created 1/4/2002 - Updated 10/18/2002 

Some claim that the key to meeting their ideal mate was the humor.

Does being a FUNNY GUY makes one more attractive? Just in case it does ... here are some jokes help you out. Gentlemen, start her engines.

Thirteen thirteen thirteen!

A man is strolling past a lunatic asylum when he hears a loud chanting, "thirteen thirteen thirteen!" goes the noise from the mental hospital wards.

The mans curiosity gets the better of him and he searches for a hole in the security fence. Its not long before he finds a small crack, so he leans forward and peers in.

Instantly, someone jabs him in the eye.

As he reels back in agony, the chanting continues "Fourteen! fourteen! fourteen!"

 

 

Bank Robbers Hiding

(I'm part Irish, this is not an anti-Irish joke, okay.)

An Englishman, Scottishman and an Irishman rob a bank. After they rob the bank, the police start chasing them down the street.

So the three of them go down an alley and they each hide in a sack. The police kick the sack with the Englishman in it and the Englishman goes, "Woof, woof", so the police think it's a dog.

They kick the one with the scottishman in it and he goes, "Miaow", and they think it's a cat.

Then they kick the sack with the Irishman in it and he goes, "Potatoes"

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Pharmacist's Dinner

A teenager goes into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist for a condom. The pharmacist explains that they only come in packages of 3 or 12. The young man says that he has a date that night and wants to be prepared so he purchases a package of 3. When he arrives at his dates house, he's asked to join them for dinner. Before they begin he is asked to say the grace. He says "Dear Lord, please bless the people gathered here tonight, bless the people in this community, bless ....etc. After the lengthy blessing, his date leans over and whispers to him "I didn't realize you were so religious." He whispered back "I didn't realize your father was a pharmacist"!

 

Long Distance Call

In Boston, while taking notes and photographs of an impressive church, he spotted a Golden Telephone on the vestibule wall and was intrigued with a sign which read "$10,000 a minute." He sought out the pastor and inquired about the phone and the sign. The pastor answered that the Golden Telephone is, in fact, a direct line to Heaven and if he pays the price, he can talk directly to God. The man thanked the pastor and continued on his way. As he continued to visit churches all across America, he found more Golden Telephones with the same $10,000 sign, and the same answer from each pastor.

Finally, he reached the Pacific northwest. Upon entering a small church in Brookings, Oregon, he saw the usual Golden Telephone. However, THIS time, the sign read "Calls: 35 cents." Fascinated, he immediately contacted the pastor. "Reverend, I have been in cities all across the country and in each church I have found a Golden Telephone and have been told it is a direct line to Heaven and that I could talk to God, but, in the other churches the cost was $10,000 a minute. Your sign reads only 35 cents a call! Why? The pastor, smiled benignly and replied, "Son, you're in Oregon now. It's a local call."


 

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